dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
