i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
