Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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