and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
