Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Every concussion has its silver lining
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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