i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
