yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
