Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize