If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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