I want to stick my p in your. b.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
