I'm gonna have a badass scar
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
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