Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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