I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
