like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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