just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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