Kareoke will never be a sober sport
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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