the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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