Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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