Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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