If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
