Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
