he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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