on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize