i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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