How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
