no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
