i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
