I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Boobs speak an international language.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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