Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize