When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
