she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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