I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
