i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
