He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
