His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
