my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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