I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
