Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He shit in the fireplace
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
