forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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