What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
