OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize