Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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