I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
