Where are you?
In a non slutty way
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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