and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
