Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
