dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
