oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
this boner is exhausting
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
