Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
