Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
