god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
