That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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