He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Hippo gnu deer
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
