I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
