I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
