he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
