If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
