I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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