My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
