I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
