Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize