were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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