when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
