i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
