sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
