I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
