If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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