Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
