This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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