Don't make out with my wife yet
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
