I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
