dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
